“Feed me watermelon and let me die”

…that was my exact thought as I slumped down on my yoga mat for my long awaited savasana while drenched in sweat and feeling completely wrung out.

Well, my first thought was “holy fucking shit”… Then it was “feed me watermelon and let me die.” I think “hfs” has always been my first thought after practice these days because in a room full of people, side by side, and the temperature being well over 90 degrees (achieved by actual heat blown in through the vents, the amount of bodies in the room, and the ujjayi breathing that creates even more heat)…you can’t help but feel like you’ve been put through the wringer…voluntarily.

And I think that’s what amazes me. All these people come every morning and sweat, breath, move, and stretch like crazy…we practice as if our lives depended on it….that’s how focused and intense the room feels. Everyone is in their own zone…and have their own reasons for doing this.

I often say that had I not discovered this yoga practice, I’d be a crazy person. Just this morning I felt a little crazy. I was angry. Mad. Pissed off. And this is while I’m driving to yoga! Can you imagine?!…”get the fuck out of my way!….I’m trying to get to yoga practice!”…But I realized I was pissed because of the unconsciousness I observed and felt prior to yoga practice:

1. Duke and I were just about finishing our morning walk, and the film crew that’s been shooting on our street has some security guard patrolling an area near my house who was smoking. He blew his smoke our away and then discarded his cigarette butt by flinging it onto the street. It angered me that he was so careless about littering not only the air I have to breath but also had no regard for our neighborhood.

2. I took the green garbage out yesterday…the one that our gardeners collect all the leaves and grass with. Well, they show up this morning, roll it back in to use it and never rolled it back onto the street for it to get collected! Now it’s overflowing.

Then I get to actual yoga practice and unconsciousness was there as well:

3. I walk into the studio and see an open spot. I lay my mat down while still feeling the repercussions of the mornings telling myself that I’m here now, and it’ll all be okay. I begin first sun salutation….I jump back to chataranga and just as my feet are about to land they hit someone else’s feet mid air…

What. The. Fuck.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” He says. A cute albeit unconscious guy who is exiting the studio by crossing over the middle of my mat.


4. I’m in Prasarita Paddottanasana C. My head is upside down and my arms are up over head. The girl practicing next to me is going into Parsva Dhanarasana and I swear her feet land 2 inches away from where my face already was.


I almost said something to her but decided not to. Why should she receive all the anger that I was feeling? Had it been any other morning, I would have just accepted the fact that we are all practicing in close quarters and we must compromise by giving and taking space.

And towards the end of every practice are the drop backs I do with my teacher. Today, I surrendered… I let go…of any anger, of my mind, of anything that was occupying my mental and emotional state…and I dropped back freely …I dropped back with and into grace. It was the first time I felt so blissed out…I don’t know how else to describe it.

…then it all ended with “holy fucking shit!”…”feed me some watermelon and let me die.” …I would die happily right now.

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