A lot has happened this past week. I got very angry with my best friend. My anger was a result of reacting towards something he had done. Once the anger subsided, the hurtfulness did too and I was able to see the situation for what it was. I reacted out of anger and my hurtful words in that moment is not something I’m proud of. My biggest lesson with what he did, is that it had nothing to do with me.
We all have triggers and sensitivities to certain things from past relationships and people that have caused deep hurts. I don’t know how else to describe it. These “hurts” are like wounds that haven’t healed yet and certain people we let into our lives will inevitably find a way to re-open these wounds. We have a choice to either cover it up again or to look at it.
Well, one of my wounds was recently re-opened. It’s showing me not what my best friend did to piss me off but it’s giving me the opportunity to heal it for good. I’m imagining this wound is pretty deep. It’s not gonna be pretty opening it all the way so that I can really get in there to clean it out. The band-aid I keep trying to put on it isn’t sticking very well.
What I’m most ashamed of…or shall I say, not proud of, is how harshly I reacted and how I didn’t have the capacity to be compassionate when that was probably what he needed most. My anger blinded me and all I could see, taste, smell, feel, and hear were my own feelings about unfairness, betrayal, disappointment, loss, and insensitivity. I decided to look up the word compassion and according to Merriam-Webster, compassion is: sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. Wow…how opposite I felt at the time! I wanted him to hurt just as much as I did.
Wikipedia had a similar definition: More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another’s suffering. Similarly, Dictionary.com says: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Man oh man. Yoga is all about alleviating suffering. Yoga is all about compassion! I still have a long ways to go…
I discovered a quote while exploring the definition of compassion and found this by Arthur Jersild: Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity. It is through compassion that a person achieves the highest peak and deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment.
Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.