I didn’t wake up crying. Duke’s been saving a lot of trees by licking off my tears. He probably wonders why my face is suddenly so salty. It’s only Thursday and it feels like 2 weeks has already gone by. It’s a distant yet familiar feeling from previous experiences of a broken heart: no appetite, not knowing what day it is, just wanting to hide under the covers, and the waves of emotions that floods my eyes with tears.
Thank god I’m surrounded by girlfriends who are supportive and a loving family. It’s the first time as an adult I feel like I’m able to lean on my mom, dad, and sis for emotional support. I probably could have done it sooner or experienced leaning on them sooner than now, but I think I was always afraid of any sort of judgements from them. No one in our family has seemed to do that with one another. Well, I’ve heard a bit shared here and there from my mom and dad but nothing ever too heavy. I believe it’s a cultural thing and a bit of a trust factor as well. You need to really trust someone to reveal your vulnerabilities. I’m so happy I can be more trusting with them and that they are able to be there for me. It feels so good.
I’ve talked to a girlfriend everyday to try and understand what happened and to process everything. I’ve also made it a point to see a friend everyday just to make sure I’m not isolating.
Teaching has been my salvation this week. I wasn’t sure how I’d hold up, but I’ve realized that teaching is like meditation for me. I’m right there in the moment with my students; focusing on what they need and it allows me to momentarily forget about everything else. I am happy and present in that moment.
I’m so blessed even amidst a broken heart.