I’ve been experiencing a yearning to express myself creatively and part of that has been to explore going outside of my comfort zone. I grew up with a strict up-bringing and looking back, I’m thankful that it has instilled discipline in me. But I also wonder how my life would be different had I been given a bit more leeway in how and what I did.
There were always expectations of how I should behave and what was expected of me. For example, I was expected to get good grades, excel through the testing levels of piano and tae kwon do, and to respect my elders and be a polite child. I actually really enjoyed playing the piano and often, through music, it was my outlet in communicating feelings I often did not know how to express. But even then, my pieces were chosen for me, I often did not have a say in what I played and played what I was given and what was expected of me to learn. In school, I did what was expected of me to earn my good grades. With tae kwon do, I enjoyed the strategy and art behind it but I also went through the expected tests to earn my belts.
Not only was I told what to do but I also had to reach a goal. Although I enjoyed these things and was privileged to learn them, I often felt that the end results were not so much of my own choice but that of someone else’s…whether it was a parent or a teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for their support and teachings. But it was all done within “the box” they defined for me and to reach a goal I was told I should have a desire for.
I recently started painting again. I sat down to paint the other day and was disappointed that I didn’t know what my end result would be. I thought it was silly that I needed to have the final outcome in mind before I could even start. So I decided to let go of any expectations (or goals) and to just allow myself to explore without caring how it was going to look. I was just in the moment with my colors and brushes and did whatever I felt inspired to do. I felt such freedom in that moment.
It’s not until we get to a moment will we know how we feel. We can speculate all we want. But the key is to BE in the moment at each moment.
Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.