As I sit in the lobby of my villa, I can’t help but think in amazement how I got here. “Here” not only meaning Bali but the kind of life I’ve chosen for myself. I think about the recent significant point in my life: my divorce from my first husband and how it has brought out in me courage, faith, and trust.The time that led up to the separation as well as the process of moving out was one of the most grief stricken, traumatic, and stressful times of my life. I had a life with this person for 6 1/2 years…for most of my adult life! That was nearly 3 years ago. My life as I knew it had crumbled and was gone. I had just quit my advertising job to start YogaGals and six months later, I find myself separating from my husband and moving out into a place of my own. I was completely uprooted and was so mentally and emotionally shocked by the reality of it all that I literally couldn’t feel the ground beneath me. When I walked, I couldn’t feel the ground. It felt like my feet were floating a foot off the ground for 3-months. It was unsettling and the strangest sensation but I couldn’t do anything about it.
Thankfully during this time, I went to yoga practice every morning. It was the only constant thing in my life and I knew it would always be there for me. I was very sad, and hardly ate & slept, but I knew the one good thing I could do for myself was to go to practice every morning. It was the only thing I looked forward to. There were moments while on my mat I wanted to burst out into tears. I’d let the rush of emotions come and go and I’d continue on with my practice.
Not only do I attribute surviving this stressful time with my yoga practice, but my yoga teacher at the time swooped in with impeccable timing and “saved” me…we started dating. I know, how cliche does that sound?!….a divorcee in Los Angeles dating her yoga teacher. Obviously, it didn’t work out ’cause I’m not with him now, but I’m so grateful he was there for me at that particular time. I was nurtured back to health (I had lost close to 15 lbs), started to laugh and have fun again, and my time with him was very special.
Fast forward to today, I can see and say that Ashtanga has been the constant thread weaving through my life. It has literally changed me and helped me to evolve into who I am right now. It has brought me to Bali and connected me to so many other yogis (now lifelong friends) from around the world. It has connected me to my teachers Prem & Radha–my mentors, guides, and reflections of my heart. It has shown me and continues to show me a way of living life. It’s a daily choice.
I’m so happy that the choice I made 3 years ago to practice despite how grief-stricken or how impossible it might have felt…I did anyway. Because that choice 3-years ago, still affects me today. I now know that “right” choices aren’t just the big ones we’re confronted with (like where to live or what to do for work) but it’s the small ones we make everyday that add up and our LIFE as we know it is the result of all these choices.