Jimmy and I were about to leave for a housewarming on Saturday (sorry Amy!). I was eating a bowl of mung beans while waiting for him to finish getting ready and suddenly I started sobbing. I was so upset and unhappy about the bowl of mung beans and the accumulation of tasteless food I had ingested for the last 8 days. I no longer looked forward to eating. But what was frustrating most of all was that I felt weak and dizzy. My mind was no longer clear and sharp but fuzzy and discombobulated. My zest for life seemed to have gone just as tasteless as my food. And now, I was emotional.
I realized I had forced upon myself, the hardship of this cleanse with good intention but was ignoring what my body was trying to tell me–“it doesn’t feel good, stop!” So it wasn’t until I cried over my bowl of mung beans did I take a moment to realize I was torturing myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. And all because my will power is so much stronger than my ass (our largest muscle group).
This whole experience is shedding light on what old habits I may still have lingering in my subconscious. I thought I had quit being so hard on myself. I thought I was connected enough to know that if something doesn’t feel good, it’s not right. I thought I had left my ego behind in Bali–it must have made it’s way back here somehow.