As I unzipped the garment bag, took the dress off its hanger, and slipped it on, I realized this was only the second time I’d wore it. The only other time was 6 years ago for my wedding day! Once the dress was on, I remembered why I liked it so much: simple yet elegant. I slid into my flip flops and we set out for the street. As I carried my train and scurried behind Rob, a passing thought I haven’t been able to let go of since is that: this dress symbolized a union between me and another person. But now, it’s symbolizing a union with myself…a commitment far more important than any other I could ever possibly make.

Last year, I wrote a Spiritual SoundBite titled, “My Secret Discovery…Yoga Your Way to a Sexy Relationship” and the lessons I’ve learned through yoga and how it’s the same qualities of a good relationship. With this recent wedding dress experience and looking back at this list, I realize that a commitment to our self and the relationship we have with our self is most likely the key to any happy union with anyone else. Yoga is also a union of our left & right sides, of shiva & shakti, of our feminine and male energy. If we don’t show up for ourselves the way we’re expected to show up for someone else, how can we show up for anyone? Make the most important date this week: a date with yourself. Treat yourself to something that makes you giddy.

“I don’t prepare questions for these interviews,” he says to me as we make ourselves comfortable on my meditation cushions. I agreed that I also enjoyed an approach of allowing things to flow and happen naturally…each moment inspiring the next. These interviews and photos are meant to reveal the essence of his subjects. And so, I wanted to be in the moment with whatever that moment inspired. “Spontaneity,” I told him, “seems to work out in my favor most of the time.”

As I thought more and more about spontaneity, it dawned on me that it really is just a moment of inspired thought and action: a true glimpse into our own truth and having the guts to act on it. Think of the last time you were spontaneous and decided to do something on a whim–how’d it turn out? I’ll predict that it might have felt a little scary at first, but you gathered the courage to do it, and you probably had a lot of fun and wondered why you didn’t do it sooner.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” -Anaïs Nin

Here are the random items in this 4×4 dish: various rocks and stones of all sizes-colors-and shapes, a glittery silver star ornament, seashells, a brown leaf, a carrot and tomato eraser, half a key that was the culprit to a flat tire, foreign coins, an orange gorilla eraser you can stick on the end of a pencil, and 1 pin with black and white chickens playing banjos and another of an animated character with the head of an apple. Fortune cookie slips are also amidst this pile of meaningful junk.

my inspirational dish of meaningful junk

It was nice finding these random slips of paper that were once housed in a cookie. I now know why I kept them…they’re exactly what I needed to hear and maybe you do too (shared in the order I found them tonight):

“In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.”

“Let the spirit of adventure set the tone.”

“Integrity is the essence of everything successful.”

This is a good bunch for me to hang out with: they don’t take anything too seriously, everyone loves to laugh, culinary (over)indulgence is expected(otherwise frowned upon if you don’t order two appetizers), and each of them have a unique story to share that sounds as if it was out of a “choose your own adventure” storybook. On the first day, a group of us took a shuttle together over to the Long Beach port. And on the way, a lady about my mom’s age was sitting in front of us and asked, “Have any of you heard from so-and-so?…he used to really like this pretty girl over here (points to my mother).” Then she looks at me and says, “Your mom was known as the pretty one and had lots of boys who chased after her.” Now this is exactly the kind of juicy low-down I wanna hear and came for!

I feel fortunate to have this opportunity to hear stories about my mother and learn what Cecilia was like before she became known as “mom”. She brought with her some old black and white photos of her and her friends from their high school days that I’d never seen before and she still looks the same: short hair, bashful smile, and just a hint of an adventurous spirit in her eyes. It’s no coincidence that we’re on the “Inspiration” cruise line because I’ve certainly been inspired to keep the appetite of a kid for living, laughing, and loving.

*And here’s to wishing you lots of love and laughter with your loved ones during the holidays…

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

I’m glad I got to fly home to attend her funeral. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. As far back as I can remember, I grew up wanting to do and say things to people that I wouldn’t regret. I would think to myself, “What if he or she died tomorrow?” I don’t know how that idea got into my head, but it made me behave in ways that I think were more “polite” than other kids. And living this way has helped me to treat people with the intention of not taking any person for granted.

So at my grandmother’s funeral, while going through the Chinese traditions and the Buddhist rituals with my family and extended family, I realized that each of us had to face our own conscience in respect to our personal relationship with grandma. I feel lucky in that she lived in Los Angeles and that I got to visit her more often than other family members. I got to teach her how to play “Connect Four” and do mundane things with her, like eat peanuts, watch TV, or just sit in silence and enjoy each others’ presence. I’m thankful that I got to give her a massage that helped her to relax and put her to sleep like a baby when her whole body was aching and she hadn’t slept well for days.

I checked my Blackberry when I got back to LA and looked at the phone log that dated back to the few days before I left for Mexico. I saw that she had called me. It made me sad to realize that I will never receive a phone call from her again. And although I will never hear her voice on the other end of the phone line or be able to walk through her door and give her a hug, I know she’s still with me. I can still feel her presence and in a strange way, I feel like she’s closer to me now than ever before.

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

[Spiritual SoundBite] How You Live On…(I love you grandma!)
I’ll remember my grandmother as a stylish woman who had a preference for designer handbags, beautiful shoes, and great jewelry. I’ll remember her as the focal point for getting family together and who loved treating all of us out to dim sum and dinner on weekends. I’ll remember her as being a generous spirit and who was willing to share whatever she had.

Although she had a few health complications that prevented her from doing much these last few years, my memories of her will be walking through the streets of Hong Kong with her as a kid to being old enough to drive her to her favorite shopping locations (the few English words she learned how to say): Macy’s and Target.

I’ll remember her as a strong and smart lady who immigrated to Los Angeles with my aunt and cousins when Hong Kong was turned back over to China in 1997. I remember her sitting at the dinner table practicing how to write her name in cursive…her signature that would help her sign papers to become a U.S. citizen at the age of 77.

It’s no surprise that Thanksgiving morning was the day she passed: it’s already a day for us to reflect on all the blessings in our lives as well as to give thanks to the people who are currently in it. Her death only heightened all of that for me. And I know she wouldn’t have wanted me (us) to feel any differently. Although my family, extended family, and friends will gather together this Saturday for a reason we all wish we didn’t have to do, she has brought us all together again.

Mi abuela…mama…grandma…as someone recently said to me in their condolences: she is in your blood…not just her genes, but her love, her compassion, her life experiences, her attitudes…all these things have been passed on to you…and so, she will forever live on in you and your aura.

And although a meal without loved ones is not a meal I feel is worth having…I can say that my Thanksgiving feast here was made with love and enjoyed with loved ones: the staff at Playa Viva and the guests (some of whom just arrived yesterday) already feel like family.

I’ve been here for a month and find the presence of the staff here so comforting…and it was apparent for me today when I learned of my 92 year old grandmother’s passing.

I just happened to call my mom & dad’s house this morning to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and that’s when I received the news. Up until that call, I was spending time with some high school kids who had come in from town to help clean up the beach. I showed them photos of my friends, Los Angeles, Duke the dog, and my gradmother’s photo. I proudly told them she was 92 and lived in Los Angeles. Little did I know I was sharing her memory at the time.

She lived a long life and although she suffered from a few health complications the last 2-3 years, I remember her being a vibrant, sharp, strong-willed, and stylish lady. This may sound funny, but of all things she’s ever told me, this is the one thing that stands out for me most: she said to me (more than once), “Remember this…your health is the most important thing. Make sure you always treat yourself to good quality food and drink. Never be cheap in that department.”

Although I knew it “could be any day now” with her passing, as prepared as I thought I’d be for this news one day, it still does not make the grief any lighter. I miss her already. I’ll miss driving over to her condo in Alhambra, walking through her front door, and seeing her sit in her usual chair…giving her a big hug and kiss on the cheek…being asked if I’m hungry…and sitting down to have dinner with her.

The most important thing for me today in learning about the passing of my grandmother is I know that she knew I loved her. And I know that she loved me. I think that is all we can ask of each other in this lifetime: to show each other, share with each other, and express our love for one another. And if that is the case, then I am very blessed.