The Simplicity of Solitidude Enjoyed

I’ve done a lot of things alone (off the top of my head): dining out, watching movies, the symphony, going to a bar, the beach, Chicago, Bali…It used to be a test to see how comfortable I could be by placing myself in a potentially uncomfortable situation. And a Friday evening…Alone. With no plans. That was cause for potential self-loathing and criticism.

Never would I have thought that I’d enjoy much less look forward to a solo evening on a Friday night. I finished teaching a class at 7pm and decided to head over to Trader Joe’s and treat myself to a steak and a bottle of Bordeaux. I’m a lightweight…only had 1/3 of the bottle. I’ll probably bring it over to dad’s tomorrow and finish the rest with him–if he’ll have it.

Could I have called up some friends and suggested we get together? Sure. Would I have wanted to be invited out for the night? Why not. But was I seeking company or yearning for it? No.

I think I’ve come to a place in my life where I find comfort in solitude. From “The TAO of Travel” by Paul Theroux a recent acquisition to my library:
“In the best travel books the word “alone” is implied on every exciting page, as subtle and ineradicable as a watermark… Alone, alone: it was like proof of my success. I had had to travel very far to arrive at this solitary condition.”

Who knew that a juicy steak, roasted brussel sprouts, a glass of bordeaux and an after dinner walk with Duke in the neighborhood would not only be sufficient but one of the most perfect ways to end a week?

[Spiritual SoundBite] Desires Are Tempting

“Desire is clinging to pleasure”  –Yoga Sutra 2.7

-Gregor Maehle Ashtanga Yoga-Practice & Philosophy

This particular yoga sutra caused quite a stir amongst us yogis in Bali when I brought it up. Or at least it did for me. I was confused about this sutra because I asked my teachers, “What about a desire to want to make this world a better place? Or the desire to make others happy?” And my teacher said it was still a desire. A “good” desire is still a desire! It turned into a conversation about my “goals” in life because most of my desires are goal-oriented. What I got out of this conversation was that my “goals” only cause more desire and because I’m attached to a particular outcome, it causes my Will (ego) to work very hard. And we all know that my ego only gets me in trouble or makes me unhappy. Wanting something as well as NOT wanting something is just two sides of the same coin-they are both desires.

I was dumbfounded when I discovered my fellow yogis as well as my teachers did not have a ready-made list of goals they could whip out and share. Making a list of goals for the day, the week, and the month is like breathing to me! It’s such a part of our culture in the West. I left the study group that afternoon awe-stricken. But as the information sank in and I was more comfortable with the idea of letting go of my “list”, a sense of relief and lightness came over me. I waivered between: “No goals? How do I live? Others will think I’m so lazy if I have no goals to share.” and “I only have the present moment. Stay connected. What I need to know will be revealed to me. Stay open so you can receive.”

I thought I’d shifted away from what I thought was expected of me to living my life according to what I thought was best. But I guess when you’re in the dark, you don’t know you’re there till someone turns on a light and shows you that you were actually in the dark! I’ve realized that being goal-oriented is very masculine energy and it also causes tunnel vision. And with tunnel vision, it’s easy to miss what’s around you. The flowers don’t get smelled, the chirping birds don’t get heard, and other people or opportunities that are awaiting for our attention may also get missed.

So I’m going to slow down. If you remember from last year, my goal (ha!) was to work less and live more. I experimented with doing less and guess what? Everything that needed to be done was done. So this year, I will neither be desireful or desireless. Stay tuned for the results in 7 months!
Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

  

[Spiritual SoundBite] Be Selfish and Overflow!

It’s been a month since I’ve returned from Bali and I still feel so full. Inside, I feel full of spirit, love, energy, excitement, and an eagerness to give whatever I have. My teachers Prem and Radha always emphasize that we need to make sure our ojas (energy/chi/juice) is good so that we’re full and overflow with it. That way, whatever we give to others is from this overflow. There’s no feeling of lack or ‘not enough to go around’. You feel abundant and so the giving never ends.

I have a confession. This idea I just expounded made sense intellectually the first time I heard it. I thought, ‘ah, yes! I must make sure I’m filled with good ojas’. But as I recently discovered for myself, and an apparent point I got this time around, is that what you know intellectually is completely different than what you know from a FEELING standpoint. When you feel something, you intimately know it and your experience with whatever it is, is true for you. It’s what I would call an authentic experience. We’re living from our head too much rather than living from our entire Being. We’ve seemed to have separated our head from the rest of our body. So our head is full (of good and bad stuff) and our body is running on empty (physically, emotionally, spiritually).

The point about overflow was further validated in Intimacy by Osho where he says:

“Nobody can be unselfish except hypocrites…People are being told to help others, and they are empty within themselves. They are being told to love others-love your neighbors, love your enemies-and they are never told to love themselves. All the religions, directly or indirectly, are telling people to hate themselves. A person who hates himself cannot love anybody; he can only pretend.

The basic thing is to love yourself so totally that the love overflows you and reaches to others…the individual should be so happy, so blissful, so silent, so content that out of his state of fulfillment he starts sharing. He has so much, he is like a rain cloud-he has to shower.

But the whole structure should be changed. People should not be told to be altruistic. They are miserable-what can they do? They are blind-what can they do?…They can only give what they have. So people are giving misery, suffering, anguish, anxiety to everybody else who comes in contact with them. This is altruism? No, I would like everybody to be utterly selfish.”

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

Love’s Intimate Truth

I often wonder how different I would be as well as how different my life would be had I never gotten married and divorced. My former yoga teacher turned former lover told me that it was just a part of my karma in this lifetime. It was one of the most difficult and challenging times in my life. So when he said that, I found comfort in it. I interpreted it as if it was already written in the stars for me and it was an experience and lesson I needed to go through in this life.

Although my first husband and I got married with the best of intentions (at least that’s what I believe) it was (obviously) not necessarily the right thing to do. For me (at the time), it was more of “the next step”. And for my hubby, I believe that my “next step” coupled with my dad’s pressure to marry his little girl was enough for him to take action. But I know that behind that action was his love for me and to make me happy. I also loved him very much and often said to him that if anything were to ever happen to him or if he past away, I’d join a convent or monastery. I really meant it and I truly believed that he was the only love I’d ever want to experience in this life.

There were many good things in our relationship but they could not override the not so-good-things. And the not-so-good things were important things (at least to me). I believe this is all coming up for me right now to reflect upon because I just finished reading Intimacy–Trusting Oneself and the Other by Osho. At one point in the book, he says that if you can say something to someone without the fear of offending them, that is one aspect of intimacy. To go beyond that, he says that it is difficult to trust one another. We must let go of our egos and show ourselves as we truly are. But if we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with anyone else? If we can’t trust ourselves to be honest with our self, how can we trust someone else? If we do not love our self, how can we truly love another?

[excerpt from Intimacy by Osho]

A man who trusts himself comes to know the beauty of it–comes to know that the more you trust yourself, the more you bloom; the more you are in a state of let-go and relaxation, the more you are settled and serene, the more you are calm, cool, and quiet. And it is so beautiful that you start trusting more and more people because the more you trust, the  more your calmness deepens; your coolness goes deeper and deeper to the very core of your being. And the more you trust, the more you soar high. A man who can trust will sooner or later know the logic of trust. And then one day he is bound to try to trust the unknown.

Start trusting yourself–that is the fundamental lesson, the first lesson. Start loving yourself. If you don’t love yourself, who else is going to love you? But remember, if you only love yourself, your love will be very poor.

A great Jewish mystic, Hillel, has said, “If you are not for yourself, who is going to be for you?” And also, “If you are only for yourself, then what meaning can your life ever have?”–a tremendously significant statement. Remember it: Love yourself because if you don’t love yourself, nobody else will ever be able to love you.

You cannot love a person who hates himself. And on this unfortunate earth, almost everybody hates himself, everybody condemns himself. How can you love a person who is condemnatory toward himself? He will not believe you. He cannot love himself–how can you dare? He cannot love himself–how can you love him? He will suspect some game, some trick, some trip. He will suspect that you are trying to deceive him in the name of love. He will be very cautious, alert, and his suspicion will poison your being. If you love a person who hates himself, you are trying to destroy his concept about himself. And nobody easily drops his concept about himself; that is his identity. He will fight with you, he will prove to you that he is right and you are wrong.

[Spiritual SoundBite] Everyone’s Afraid of This. But Don’t Miss It…

“…Everybody is afraid of intimacy.

The problem becomes more complicated because everybody wants intimacy. Everybody wants intimacy because otherwise you are alone in this universe-without a friend, without a lover, without anybody you can trust, without anybody to whom you can open all your wounds. And the wounds cannot heal unless they’re open. The more you hide them, the more dangerous they become. They can become cancerous.

…Nobody knows anything about the future. Your heaven and your hell and your God are most probably all hypotheses, unproved. The only thing that is in your hands is your life-make it as rich as possible.

By intimacy, by love, by opening yourself to many people, you become richer. And if you can live in deep love, in deep friendship, in deep intimacy, with many people, you have lived rightly. And wherever you happen to be, you have learned the art, and you will be living happily there, too.

If you are simple, loving, open, intimate, you create a paradise around you. If you are closed, constantly on the defensive, always worried that somebody may come to know your thoughts, your dreams, your perversions, you are living in hell. Hell is within you-and so is paradise. They are not geographical places, they are your spiritual spaces.

Cleanse yourself. And meditation is nothing but a cleaning of all the rubbish that has gathered in your mind. When the mind is silent and the heart is singing, you will be ready-without any fear but with great joy-to be intimate. And without intimacy, you are alone here among strangers. With intimacy, you are surrounded by friends, by people who love you. Intimacy is a great experience. One should not miss it.”

–By Osho in “Intimacy–Trusting Oneself and the Other”

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

Thank You To Whomever Left it Here in Bali!

I found it! Me and the Ashtanga Warrior gang had dinner at Siam Sally last night and because today is a moon day, there’s not practice. So we decided to “let loose” a bit and went to Havana Café on Dewi Sita and enjoyed the live Cuban band playing. Across the street is a used bookstore and lo and behold, in their glass case holding their most current acquisitions, “The Girl Who Played With Fire” was sitting right there waiting for me.

Anyone Have “The Girl Who Played With Fire”…in Bali?

I am officially a fan of Stieg Larsson, author of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”. I happen to bring it along with me on this trip and am so glad I did. Fifty pages in and I couldn’t put the book down. It’s the first book of his “Millenium” trilogy and now I’m on the hunt for “The Girl Who Played with Fire”. I specifically rode a bike into town today to find this book at the Ganesha Bookstore next to Bali Buddha Café. They had the first book I already read and the third book, but not the 2^nd. Drats. My own hotel carries the third book, “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest”. It’s such a tease. I’m tempted to read the third one just because it’s right in front of me but I know the trilogy needs to be read in order. I’ll continue my hunt on the island…someone must have a copy of it here!

The bike ride into town is very pleasant. It always amazes me how much safer I feel riding a bike here sharing a single road with opposing traffic with no traffic signals or stop signs AND on the left side of the street!  I took my Bali shower when I got back to my villa…it’s nice showering privately outdoor

[Spiritual SoundBite] Live With No Regrets

“Your ultimate goal in life is to become your best self. Your immediately goal is to get on the path that will lead you there. Why should you feel guilty if you refuse to be intimidated by (someone) who persists in the way of your being that best self or who is “hurt” when  you finally manage it?…The highest love a person can have for you is to wish for you to evolve into the best person you can be. No one owns you, no matter what your relationship. You are not here on this earth to fulfill the unmet dreams of a frustrated parent or to protect another person from facing the reality of himself or the world. You are here to develop and grow, to do your share to make the outside world a better place to live, to make the immediate world in which you live, the world that is you, as honest and true to your feelings as you possibly can.”
–Marsha Sinetar Do What You Love…The Money Will Follow–Discovering Your Right Livelihood

The Power of your Subconscious Mind

An excerpt from The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.

“Your subconscious is your Book of Life”

Whatever thoughts, beliefs, opinions, theories, or dogmas you write, engrave, or impress on your subconscious mind, you shall experience them as the objective manifestation of circumstances, conditions, and events. What you write on the inside, you will experience on the outside. You have two sides to your life, objective and subjective, visible and invisible, thought and its manifestation.

Your thought is received by your brain, whish is the organ of your conscious reasoning mind. When our conscious or objective mind accepts the throught completely, it is sent to the solar plexus, called the brain of your mind, where it ecomes flesh and is made manifest in your experience.

As previously outlined, your subconscious cannot argue. It acts only from what you write on it. It accepts your verdict or the conclusions of your conscious mind as final. This is why you are always writing on the book of life, because your thoughts become your experiences. The American essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “man is what he thinks all day long.”

 

“How to get the subconscious to work for you”

The first thing to realize is that your subconscious mind is always working. It is active night and day, whether you act upon it or not. Your subconscious is the builder of your body, but you cannot consciously perceive or hear that inner silent process. Your business is with your consicous mind and not your subconscious mind. Just keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best, and make sure the thoughts you habitually think are based on wahtsoever things are lovely, true, just, and of good report. Being now to take care of your conscious mind, knowing in your heart and soul that our subconscious mind is always expressing, reproducing, and manifesting according to your habitual thinking.

Remember, just as water takes the shape of the pipe it flows through, the life principle in you flows through you according to the nature of your thoughts. Claim that the healing presence in your subconscious is flowing through you as harmony, health, peace, joy, and abundance. Think of it as a living intelligence, a lovely companion on the way. Firmly believe it is continually flowing through you vivifying, inspiring, and prospering you. It will respond exactly this way. It is done unto you as you believe.

There’s Nothing Like the Smell of Old…

books. I used to volunteer for a used bookstore that was associated with my local library. I guess business wasn’t good and it closed after 3 or  4 years. I’ve found over the years that many used bookstores no longer exist. I’m sure Amazon alone is partly to blame for its genius in not only convenience but also its range of titles and sellers from all over the world.

Call me a little old fashioned, but I like going to bookstores and flipping through a tangible book. I  I love going to the library…any library…in any city. I still check out books from the library and after simplifying my life this past summer, I better LOVE the things I own. So now, if there’s a book I want to read, I check it out from the library first and then I buy it.

Normally, I go to my nearest mom & pop bookstore in Los Feliz-I like supporting local bookstores…not so much the Borders or Barnes ‘n Nobles, but independently owned bookstores.  It’s rare to come across them these days–so they’re extra special to me. Usually the mom and pop shop don’t have what I’m looking for but I’ll just have them order it for me, and then I go and pick it up in a couple of days. A little more hassle for me, but if it means supporting the shop, what’s a couple of days?

Recently, I FINALLY went into Cosmopolitan Book Shop on Melrose (just east of La Brea). I walked in, and the smell of old books hit me like a fat, sweaty, hairy man who’s been out playing basketball on a hot day and trapped himself in a room that wreaked of his essence. But the strange thing is, although I would not enjoy the latter, I DO however, enjoy the essence of old books. I had always wanted to come here but it was one of those places where I’d only remember when I passed by it on the way to somewhere else. So today was the day. I walked in and was in shock and awe…it was a book whore’s fantasy: books piled from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. I could have spent hours there but thank god my parking meter only had 1 hour on it.

Samuel French Bookstore in Hollywood

Another bookstore I just discovered from a friend is for actors and anyone in the entertainment industry. I had no idea such a bookstore even existed! It’s called Samuel French in Hollywood on Sunset Blvd. There’s a book for every TV show that’s ever existed; biographies of any famous actor; screenplays, musicals, scores, references guides, acting directories…it was never ending and fascinating! I thought it might be a good place to people watch, but it was pretty empty when I was there.

If you have a favorite bookstore in your city, let me know! I’ll add it to my list of things to do in your city when I visit!