Sabi’s Last Car Ride…

The last time I saw her was Sunday. She was lying on her side in her usual spot on her pillow behind the couch. I crouched down to pet her and took note of the bare patch where her fur was recently shaved off at the vet’s office for an ultrasound. Gallstones were discovered. My touch did not wake her or maybe she thought it was the usual affection from my mom or dad. I put my hand in front of her nose to let her know who it was. Her nose wiggled and sniffed. I could see her excitement as she came to.  Her eyes opened as she tilted her head up to look at me. Her eyes had a foggy gray blue film. She was straining to see me as she leaned in towards me to give a kiss. Her nose was dry and she was struggling to breathe. Her familiar perky spirit and eagerness to greet me quickly vanished as she plopped her head back down, closed her eyes, and continued to pant and resume her nap.

Today is Wednesday. Ash Wednesday. I always enjoyed this holy day when I used to be a practicing Catholic and a quote from the Bible I always remembered from this day is: from dust we came and dust we shall return. I almost wish I had gone to mass today to hear this again but instead, I was celebrating life while in dance class.

Without death, there can be no life. The cycle of life and death was greatly reminded tonight when I found out that Sabrina (”Sabi”), our 16-year old Australian Shepherd mix had passed away. She was the family dog for most of her life. My sister had adopted her in San Diego when she was just a puppy. When my sis moved into a place that didn’t allow pets, my mom and dad took Sabi in…a “temporary stay” with the grandparents that turned into the rest of her life. She had a long and happy life and although she recently had many complications, including a stroke last year, I’ll always remember her as the spry dog that jumped up and down when she was excited to see me, loved having her tummy rubbed, and the dog that loved chasing birds.

Below are the last photos of Sabi I took while we rode in the car to San Diego to spend Christmas with my sister. The car ride and travel was a bit taxing on her but she was a good sport. I’m glad she got to enjoy one more good ride in the car with the wind blowing in her face.

To Sabi: you were very much loved. You brought us joy, laughter and most of all, love and companionship. It’s never easy to let go of someone or something you love but I know you no longer need to suffer. You are already missed and you will forever be in our hearts and memories…

…if you would like to add anything in memory of Sabi, please comment below.

Heart Shaped Pizzas & My Funny Valentine…

Ever since I wrote that post yesterday about taking photos in my wedding dress and with today being Valentine’s, I can’t help but think of my first husband. I got that term “first husband” from shoe designer, Taryn Rose when I had lunch with her after my E! Makeover 2 years ago. She was telling me about her ex-husbands and how she refers to them as “first” or “second”. I don’t have a second (yet!) but I thought how “first” sounds much better than “ex”. AND I want to honor and acknowledge the fact that he was an important person in my life… for 6 1/2 years of my life in fact.

So being that today is Valentine’s, I have to share 2 things about my “first husband” and that is…it was my tradition to send him a heart shaped pizza every year during his lunch time at work for Valentine’s. I thought it’d be the perfect way to say “I love you” through feeding him and having his favorite food delivered to him.

The second thing I associate First Husband with Valentine’s is that our wedding song was Chet Baker’s rendition of “My Funny Valentine”…still one of my favorite songs from Chet. Enjoy…

 

[Spiritual SoundBite] Did You Know You’re the Highlight of My Day?

It’s Valentine’s! The one day out of the year where men are expected to affectionately shower their main squeeze with flowers, candy, big teddy bears, a set-course dinner, and any other commercialized products we’ve been bombarded with. It’s amusing how much pressure is put on men (and some women) on this day to make their grandiose gestures of love to somehow prove how much they really do love their loved one. If anything, I think Valentine’s Day is a check-point. It helps point out how good you’re feeling about your relationship or what you feel is lacking in it. It makes me check in with myself to see if I’d do anything differently today than I would any other day. If the answer is yes, then I need to ask myself why I’m not doing these sweet things more often. If the answer is no, then I think that’s a good indicator that I’m being the best loving partner I can be. Don’t get me wrong, the romantic sap in me still likes to acknowledge this “I-heart-you” day and I won’t turn away any cheesy singing telegrams but if it’s the only gesture out of the 365 days out of the year, then it would make me wonder about the lack of inspiration on all those other days.

 

I believe, the only “proof” in proving how much you love someone (if you need to prove anything) is the daily conscious choice to be loving in your words and actions. But, most importantly, it’s the choice to BE love and be loving not only to our loved one, but to strangers we pass on the street and give a loving smile to, or to co-workers we see every day and point out what we appreciate about them, or asking the check-out person at your grocery store how their day is going. These small and simple yet powerful loving gestures that you can generously give for free not only make you more abundant in love, but it can be the highlight of someone’s day.

 

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

my well meaning wedding dress (continued)…and PLEASE for god’s sake, just wear the damn thing post-wedding!

I just realized that I didn’t post the link to the photos that Robert took of me in  my wedding dress from the Spiritual SoundBite I wrote a few weeks back. This spontaneous photo shoot in my wedding dress I wore 6 years ago (whoa, that sounded crazy!) inspired me to write this: http://yogagals.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/spiritual-soundbite-my-well-meaning-wedding-dressphotos-and-interview/

I remember slipping on my dress and remembering why I loved it so much. It fits me like a glove, it’s simple yet elegant, and I absolutely love how the shear train gives it its lightness–it would be the dress’s wings if it could take flight! It was fun stepping out onto the street wearing this gown and not caring if it got dirty…it was time to have fun with this dress again!

Below are a few of the best shots Robert took. It was about 5 in the afternoon and the colors of the sunset as well as the headlights from LA traffic hour gave us great lighting.  I like my elegant white gown juxtaposed with the dirtiness of the chain linked fence and the hustle and bustle of city life.

What do these photos symbolize or mean? I’m not sure. Here’s 1 thought though!…

Wear your wedding dress just because you like it! How much money and time did you spend finding that thing? You deserve to enjoy it at the grocery store, the dog park, your birthday party, cleaning your house…any where and any damn time you feel like wearing it.

[Spiritual SoundBite] Feeling Like A Woman…and haircut photos!

It was my birthday this past Sunday and I’m officially in the midst of my 30s. Perhaps it’s growing up as the youngest child in the family and always seen as the ‘young’ one but for some reason this birthday seemed to mark the beginning of feeling like an adult woman. It seemed to start with my haircut on Friday. I found some photos of hair styles I liked and brought them to my stylist’s home. I told her I was ready for something different; that I was ready to move on from my hippy dippy long hair. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted but I told her how I wanted to feel. I told her that I wanted a haircut that represents what I’m going through in my life right now: “I don’t care what others think,” “There’s no right or wrong,” “It doesn’t have to be just one way,” and “Something light and that won’t get in the way when I yoga and dance!”

She sat me down in the middle of her dining room in a yellow vinyl chrome chair you’d find in an old 50s diner. It was the first time since I’ve known her that I decided to make this appointment at her house. The usual salon mirror that’s facing me isn’t there. I missed seeing her reflection when we were talking and then realized how different this haircut felt because I could not see what she was doing. I thought about the last time I sat this way for a haircut and it brought me back to the days when my mom gave me my bowl cuts as a kid in the garage. The main topic of conversation like any other time is our love life. I couldn’t see what was going on but I could tell she was really enjoying giving me this haircut–I could feel the dexterity of her skillful hands combing my hair sections at a time and snipping away. I got so enthralled with our conversation that it wasn’t until I noticed the long pieces of hair sliding down the black cape that draped over me, did I realize how much of my hair was being cut off. It was probably a good thing I didn’t get to see what she was doing because the part of me that was attached to my long locks would have protested. All I could go by was how it felt…and it felt good. I was giddy with excitement when she told me she was done and to see for myself. On the way to her bathroom mirror, I already felt lighter. And when I finally got to see myself for the first time, I couldn’t believe the image that was staring back at me. It felt like my outside finally caught up with my inside. I looked and felt light…and free. The dead weight was gone. Weight I didn’t even know was weighing me down.

“Is this a ‘break-up’ haircut?” I was asked. “No, quite the opposite,” I happily answered. “I’m calling it my ‘new beginnings’ haircut!” I’m not exactly sure what it is the beginning of, but let’s just say I’m ready.

 

p.s wanna see my birthday haircut? click  here

 

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

Lopped Off the Dead Weight

I was in desperate need of a haircut. I felt like I had a bird’s nest sitting on top of my head that Smokey the Bear would have deemed as a fire hazard. It happened to be the day of birthday gathering too…so I called it my  birthday haircut just for the hell of it. I did my research the night before and found some photos to share with my stylist who’s been cutting my hair for the past 3 years. I have 3 ‘doctors” in my life that I can’t live without and am grateful that each one of them for being good at their jobs: my car doctor, my hair doctor, and of course my medical doctor.

I showed her photos of the kind of look and feel I wanted and she knew exactly what to do. How had I been carrying all that weight on my head?!

[Spiritual SoundBite] Dream…Dare You?

I enjoy doing things that scare me. I don’t enjoy the “scary” aspect of it but I do enjoy tackling the part of it that feels scary. I’m not talking about bungee jumping or free falling out of a plane…although those adventures would certainly help tackle my fear of heights. I suppose when I say scary, it’s something that challenges and stretches me beyond my comfort zone.

 

I think it always starts out as a desire: whether it’s a desire to paint, play music, dance, or travel to a foreign place. There’s something inside of me that wants to do it but I resist it due to my own self-judgments and criticisms or for the fear of making a fool of myself and chancing ridicule from others. Recently a teacher of mine said, “Fear comes in the form of better judgment.” How many times have you talked yourself out of trying something or have let others convince you it was not a good idea? Have you noticed that others don’t seem to have a problem unloading their own fears onto you? They may not intend to discourage you, but the sight of you going for your dreams reminds them of their lack of courage to go for their own. They may truly worry about you getting hurt and advise you of reasons not to do it, but this just causes more harm because it makes you second guess your dreams when they’re the one who’s not ready to tackle their own yet. So keep your dreams to yourself. Share it with those whom you trust and who believe in you and can truly encourage you.

 

“Do or do not…there is no try.”

-Yoda

 

 

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.