How To Breathe!

[Spiritual SoundBite] See Me on ‘Top Model’ Soon!

Did you really believe that?! I’m flattered if you did. Although I did get a chance to feel what it’s like (yoga) posing for photos this past weekend. I was lucky enough to have pictures taken by a very talented artist and photographer, Rob at Franklin & Vermont Photography.  I tend to shy away from taking photos but when this opportunity came my way, I knew I had to take it. My first instinct was fear. I don’t think I’m photogenic at all…and that insecurity stems from childhood where it seemed like every camera preferred my pretty sister instead of me.  She could have broccoli bits stuck to her teeth and it still would have come out beautiful! No matter how hard I tried to look cute it just didn’t seem to work.

But somehow, that insecure little girl didn’t stay very long with me for my photo shoot. I was put at ease and Robert was able to draw out the confident and happy yogini in me. Having my picture taken is a bit intimidating. Not only because of the creeping insecurities that flow in, but also because I feel like I have NO IDEA what my mouth, my eyes, my face, and my body are doing. I have a new found respect for models! There’s a fine line between being aware of your body and being self-conscious about it.

Also, having your photo taken can be a very intimate and revealing experience. How you feel on the inside is how it’s expressed outwardly. It would be very hard to feel happy but look angry. Not only are your emotions and mental state apparent, but you’re also faced with how you feel about yourself.  If you feel self-conscious or awkward, it’ll totally show! In fact, I had to own the fact that I’m now a woman and no longer “Fay Moi”(aka “Little Fatty”…my childhood nickname). I had to own my femininity and not be afraid to express it!

Yup, “Fay Moi”would give me a *fist pump* and be proud of me! Funny how childhood insecurities can still haunt us no matter how old we are. But somehow opportunities come our way to help us face and conquer these little childhood monsters. We just need to be open to them.
Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

[Spiritual SoundBite] Desires Are Tempting

“Desire is clinging to pleasure”  –Yoga Sutra 2.7

-Gregor Maehle Ashtanga Yoga-Practice & Philosophy

This particular yoga sutra caused quite a stir amongst us yogis in Bali when I brought it up. Or at least it did for me. I was confused about this sutra because I asked my teachers, “What about a desire to want to make this world a better place? Or the desire to make others happy?” And my teacher said it was still a desire. A “good” desire is still a desire! It turned into a conversation about my “goals” in life because most of my desires are goal-oriented. What I got out of this conversation was that my “goals” only cause more desire and because I’m attached to a particular outcome, it causes my Will (ego) to work very hard. And we all know that my ego only gets me in trouble or makes me unhappy. Wanting something as well as NOT wanting something is just two sides of the same coin-they are both desires.

I was dumbfounded when I discovered my fellow yogis as well as my teachers did not have a ready-made list of goals they could whip out and share. Making a list of goals for the day, the week, and the month is like breathing to me! It’s such a part of our culture in the West. I left the study group that afternoon awe-stricken. But as the information sank in and I was more comfortable with the idea of letting go of my “list”, a sense of relief and lightness came over me. I waivered between: “No goals? How do I live? Others will think I’m so lazy if I have no goals to share.” and “I only have the present moment. Stay connected. What I need to know will be revealed to me. Stay open so you can receive.”

I thought I’d shifted away from what I thought was expected of me to living my life according to what I thought was best. But I guess when you’re in the dark, you don’t know you’re there till someone turns on a light and shows you that you were actually in the dark! I’ve realized that being goal-oriented is very masculine energy and it also causes tunnel vision. And with tunnel vision, it’s easy to miss what’s around you. The flowers don’t get smelled, the chirping birds don’t get heard, and other people or opportunities that are awaiting for our attention may also get missed.

So I’m going to slow down. If you remember from last year, my goal (ha!) was to work less and live more. I experimented with doing less and guess what? Everything that needed to be done was done. So this year, I will neither be desireful or desireless. Stay tuned for the results in 7 months!
Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.

  

[Spiritual SoundBite] Be Selfish and Overflow!

It’s been a month since I’ve returned from Bali and I still feel so full. Inside, I feel full of spirit, love, energy, excitement, and an eagerness to give whatever I have. My teachers Prem and Radha always emphasize that we need to make sure our ojas (energy/chi/juice) is good so that we’re full and overflow with it. That way, whatever we give to others is from this overflow. There’s no feeling of lack or ‘not enough to go around’. You feel abundant and so the giving never ends.

I have a confession. This idea I just expounded made sense intellectually the first time I heard it. I thought, ‘ah, yes! I must make sure I’m filled with good ojas’. But as I recently discovered for myself, and an apparent point I got this time around, is that what you know intellectually is completely different than what you know from a FEELING standpoint. When you feel something, you intimately know it and your experience with whatever it is, is true for you. It’s what I would call an authentic experience. We’re living from our head too much rather than living from our entire Being. We’ve seemed to have separated our head from the rest of our body. So our head is full (of good and bad stuff) and our body is running on empty (physically, emotionally, spiritually).

The point about overflow was further validated in Intimacy by Osho where he says:

“Nobody can be unselfish except hypocrites…People are being told to help others, and they are empty within themselves. They are being told to love others-love your neighbors, love your enemies-and they are never told to love themselves. All the religions, directly or indirectly, are telling people to hate themselves. A person who hates himself cannot love anybody; he can only pretend.

The basic thing is to love yourself so totally that the love overflows you and reaches to others…the individual should be so happy, so blissful, so silent, so content that out of his state of fulfillment he starts sharing. He has so much, he is like a rain cloud-he has to shower.

But the whole structure should be changed. People should not be told to be altruistic. They are miserable-what can they do? They are blind-what can they do?…They can only give what they have. So people are giving misery, suffering, anguish, anxiety to everybody else who comes in contact with them. This is altruism? No, I would like everybody to be utterly selfish.”

Cheers to a Healthy. Happy. Sexy. You.